I am over this mother bullshit

Right so being a mum is fucked.
yep I said it out loud cause its true I don't do bullshit n lies
If you have kids you know you have thought this before
So my B1 has major attitude going on and needs a serious tune up she gets this high pitched attitude and refuses to listen or take no for an answer
But that is the easy one.!!!!!

B2 however is a freaking monster from hell!!!
She Dosnt listen says no defys me every step yet is brilliant for her daycare mum!!

She throws a mass wobbly over the littlest of things like full on fuckin melt down drops her bundle screams and carries on like  she just been beheaded.

She fights sleep and wakes early
Why the hell. Are kids so good for other people but not mum??
Tell me why

First child a dream second a fuckin nightmare
Glad I am not allowed any more children sure as shit would have any more either

Allthough there is the adult child still about who likes to give his opinion and over ride my decisions.

Don't get me started on that shit

Any ways I must fight now so I can get my ass yo bed myself

Stay strong people
I am not mad or lost it yet Thu I'm pretty fucking close

Friends

Ok so new blog needed
Here it is
Its been a year since I seen my awesome buddy bek!!!!

Sitting here chatting and catching up and with awsome ppl today was relaxed chilled and funny fun fun fuck I miss these good times
Being happy laughing and just living life
I miss this shit
I want it forever happiness laughter and love ppl who get me ppl who know me and accept me for my weird crazy self
I am me and I want to remain me not toned down to be what is deemed appropriate and right.
People are who they are ugly bits crazy bits and all
Love then enjoy then

Just a random update

So its been forever since i blogged
Life just happened you know!!!!!

So whats been going on ..??
Well return to work for one and oh dear lord what a nightmare that has been
Everything changed our lab shut therefore my duties changed staffing changed my job discription changed and my attitude towards the whole thing changed!!!

I now work in 2 places and i no longer favour my orrignal post.

And of course to add salt to the wound my baby decides to get sick then me then bub again then oooh who fucking knows teeth dont forget the teeth!!
Plus Mr C job was working away and yeah we coped fine but he came home on weekends and was tired cranky and quiet frankly a freaking asswipe
But he quit that job and started another closer to home and had a few differant ones from then on!

Good crazy buddy moves away :( now that sucked and i keep telling her to come back but honestl why the hell would she there is bugger all around here but coal dust and more coal dust

B1 is (well was tomorrow is the last day of school) in year 2 and of course the cling on little asswipe boys who have had the hots for her since kindy are yet again in her class!!!!
Seriously id never hurt a kid but i so  could these little bastards. They just are smitten.
Well she is gorgeous big brown eyes long lashes but still stay the fuck away!!

So now at this present moment whats happening .....
Well
I am doing well mentally i guess physically i am hmmmmm ok got to have my womb removed but thats all good i want to take it home in a jar so i can put it on my windowsil n say i have a womnb with a view!
Yeah yeah i know im an idiot.

My dear Aunty passed away and i just want to hug my cousins so tight to make there hurt go away but there over 2 thousand kilometers away!!!

Mr C has his own building business, B1 will be starting Primary (year 3) next year B2 has a broken arm!!! A simple topple of a chair and snap radius and ulna both broken at a 45 degree angle
Lets just say that caused an upset in the household and there is still major waves

Well i think i have babbled on for a bit shall come back another day and write something interesting i promise
Well i have started a great conversation on my fb regarding piercings hehehe its interesting to say the least.

Bye for now Mrs C

What happens next

Well i just had half a blog done and my keyboard battery shat its self :(
So what i was saying before i was so rudely disconnected
I have been busy
Being a mum a darn house wife and and supportive friend
Its range seeing someone go thru somthing you did cause your like oh shit i know whats happening every second and every thought
Anxiety dear readers (if there is any??) Is a massive bitch with spikes!!!!
If you have never experianced it which i say lucky you
Then you have no idea what the hell its like!
I watched a friend go thru it and fuck!! Its ridiculous all you can do is calm them and talk them thru it because there isnt anything but that that will help accept time drugs and support.

Thankfully it does get better it will never go away you just learn how to cope and deal with it and then eventually you can teach yourself house to not let it happen. It pops up sometimes and tries to peak its spiky head out but you have to squash that shit straight up!!

So apart from that i have made a decision to go for a session and no not one involving a bong and chopping bowl
But a life coach session! Hmmm my theory is what can it hurt and also i have spoken with this lady before and she is bloody awesome!!
She has gone thru shit and can understand where i am at which i still dont fully get and im sure i shall broach that soon and explain inside my head.

Ask if anyone has read this and has a tip comment or thought on anxiety or panic attacks please speak up sharing our experiances lets us know we are not weak or stupid we are normal and have just hit a bump in our journey

I know one person is reading me
And i say cheers chicky your doing awesome
And i hope my ramblings help in some way

Power n strength to you all
ME

Sheldon

So it's been a while busy busy no time to myself Haha that's being a mum
Have you ever watched the big bang theory personally I love it sheldon is erratic full on up down happy sad manic and anxious all bundled into one thus why I have decided to name my illness sheldon I fits perfectly. 

When I told Mr C he nodded his head in agreement  before I could even explain why hahaha so he gets it :) Bazinga!!!!

Well sheldon is under control at the moment so that's good still there but is safely behind bars rambling on I still hear n listen but don't react most of the time.

Most of the the time..... Sometimes sheldon pops out and I may have a little crazy moment and jig along a bit manic to a certain song like yesterday cruising along and the song I like that came on off I went for a moment I'm sure I would have looked a little odd if anyone noticed hahaha but do I care....  Nope not one bit

Cheers ppl stay tuned
ME

Naming the beast

Well after last post it was clear I was struggling and yep I hit bottom big exhaustion took over and I crashed hard! 
The anxiety found its way thru
I actually woke up when B2 did grabbed her put her in her high chair and honestly I could barely look at her I just felt like giving up running away wishing for a different existence.
I went to hug Mr C and see if his support would help pull me through but I got a you just need to sort out your head!"
Yep ok ill get right on that...... 

So after an email to my psychologist  I increased my medication
I wanted to decrease  for a few reasons which I will discuss at a later date

B2 went to Mac's place for a sleepover and most of that day I rested in bed read my book and organised some thing in the house that had been bugging me
Slept like a baby that night awoke and sorted more stuff
As time ticked on I was anxious about getting good B2 but I talked myself into feeling ok
How I did this was through different methods I had learnt when  I wast my worst I will share them in my next blog as to me they are so simple and so effective
I also have some pretty amazing friends and I have found the more I'm open about my illness which I have decided to name (stay tuned for that)  the more I realise I am not alone and people are so understanding and empathetic and just as bonkers as I am lol

Today is a new day I feel good and I didn't smack Mr C up the head for being so blunt and right though I seriously thought about it

Sun is shining and B1 B2 and Me are heading out for a day trip :)
Stay tuned for my coping technics  and my illness name
Cheers
ME

Days ending in y

So things have been tricky exhausting few days.  I am trying to reduce my medications as it makes me drowsy it's seems to be helping but both my baby's have fallen ill  and the anxiety has returned.  Is this due to stressful situation or do I need to stay on higher dose?  I have tried this a few times and something always happens at the same time to make it tougher and harder to judge
Am I cursed did I accidentally squish a fairy or Chinamen  as they say?? 
Or is it just plan Murphy's law

I'm not whinging but for Pete's  sake universe girl a girl a break I think I've had enough crap
A stroke and almost dying six days after having my B2 is bad enough

There are other worse of but this is my hell  im in

I shall push forward and see how I go perseverance is the key

I choose to Not let this get me today or tomorrow  I may stumble but I will stay upright

Cheers for lending your ears
Me